Luv'N Lambert Life

Mental Health, Homeschooling, Epilepsy and More

hope

God Had Other Plans For Me Today {Thoughts From Me}

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I woke up this morning with a list of things to do that was a mile long.  I had ever single intention of getting it done.  I truly did.

But God had other plans for me.  Not one single thing on that list got done today.  Not one.

But you know what?  That’s okay!  God had better plans.

Three friends came to me with needs today.  They needed a friend and sometimes that’s just what we need to be.  A true friend to others in their times of need.

Today, I helped a Momma figure out how to start her journey with homeschooling.  To me, that’s just awesome!  I can hardly wait for her to start this journey.  She and her children are going to absolutely love it.

Today, I helped a friend who is heading for divorce.  Her heart is broken.  God is carrying her daily. 

Today, I helped a friend who is being harassed.  She’s upset that women would try to destroy her credibility and ruin her good name.  Bullying doesn’t stop with high school, y’all.

Today, I listened as a friend complained that their job is challenging and their life is in shambles.  They just needed a listening ear.  Someone to care for that moment.

This is the list God had planned for me today.  Nothing that was in my plans got done but everything in his is.  And I hope, I pray that I helped each one in the best way that I could.  I listened. I responded. I prayed. I was a friend.

How has God changed your plans recently?  What did you get done with His guidance that wasn’t on your list?

What It All Meant {Thoughts From Me}

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Soon I’m going to take the big step to move us over to WordPress and off this current format for blogging, so this past week, I’ve been going through old posts and making a few changes that will make this easier for me.  I’ve also been correcting a few things I didn’t know I had been doing wrong with my coding.  (Blogging is a daily learning experience.)  It’s a lot but it will be well worth it in the end.

Going through old posts means taking a step back into the past.  This hasn’t been easy.  There are things I wish I could erase.  There are things I have deleted just because I don’t want to be reminded they happened even with this blog.  Nothing I’m ashamed of, just things it’s time to let go of.  I know I can never change the past, and I never would because our past is what makes us who we are today.

I have deleted a few irrelevant posts.  I’m not sure what I was thinking when I wrote those.  They were just filling space.

I also took notice that my life was going in a certain direction back then but somewhere I got off that track.  It’s a road I’d like to find again, and I will in time.  See, life sometimes hurts so much that you lose yourself and you become someone who covers  the pain with a fake smile or a positive word that deep down doesn’t mean a thing. Sometimes the abuse is so hard that you want to pretend it just doesn’t exist, so you do pretend and you paint a picture that all is right with the world, even when it isn’t.

I took notice that my ex was rarely mentioned in my previous posts.  He was in my day to day life and frequently mentioned on my social media while we were together but not here.  He didn’t want to be part of my life and he let me know it so often that I just left him out as much as I could.  I wanted him but he never wanted me and honestly, I’m okay with that now.

I see now that we were not right for each other and God has blessed me more than I could ever have imagined with my husband, Don and our beautiful family.  I see now that God had a bigger and better plan for me.  The experience with my ex was something that was forced and something that was unwanted by one side but  it was an experience I learned greatly from and one I can go forth and share my pain with others like me who need someone to understand.  Having Don in my life gives me hope and strength and love where once their was none.

My blog used to be Christ centered, and though God is still here in my writing,  I wish to find Him again, to share encouragement and love, to spread his Truth through my own testimony for God gave me a great one to share.  I wish to help others, to inspire them, to show them that a better life is ahead, not to give up and to fight for what their heart desires, for it will come.  With God all things are possible and our dreams will come true.

So here I am, finding my way again, working on bigger things that will come about in time.

Until then…

Dana

Prairie Song {Blogging For Books Review}

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Prairie Song

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Mona Hodgson

Mona Hodgson has written a beautiful novel in Prairie Song, the first of the Hearts Seeking Home series.  Prairie Song tells the story of Anna Goben and leads the reader on a journey unlike any other.  A journey of hope, of love, of new beginnings.
Anna Goben wishes to start anew.  She is tired of her daily life and her family’s struggle.  She feels the need to join Boone’s Lick Company Wagon Train and see what adventure lies ahead of her. 

Anna’s family has suffered great loss.  Her beloved brother never made it home from the Civil War.  Her Mother and Grandfather are paralyzed by their grief.  Anna believes that a new start in California is just what her family needs.
Anna never expects to find love at the end of her journey.  She only hopes to find a brand new start.  Through God’s grace and love, Anna and her family find hope and love of their own.
I loved this story of starting over, finding love and happiness in a new place in life.  Anna’s story is one you won’t wish to miss!
Prairie Song is available from Walterbrook Multnomah for $14.99 in paperback or $11.99 as an eBook.  You can also purchase Prairie Song through Mona Hodgson’s personal website.

Welcome to April {Thoughts From Me}

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Welcome to April!

Our April began with the Devil shining her ugly face at us.  Petty spite and anger from another at our wonderful life became the focus for a few days.  The law has been contacted and shall be handling that as necessary.  I refuse to be bullied, stalked, or slandered any more.  Mama has always said I should have been a lawyer.  Maybe one of these days I’ll listen.

The other month, I posted that I was having writer’s block.  Well, the good Lord has seen fit to allow thing to happen that have given me lots to talk about!  Talk I will with His guidance.

It was brought to my attention that some of you assume my blog is a “homeschooling” blog.  It’s not.  It’s a family-life blog that I write as a journal, to share with others who are like us and to spread the word for Epilepsy Awareness, Involuntary Breath Holding Spells Awareness and the other health issues we face.  This includes my recent battles for my own health with undetermined female bleeding issues.  Homeschooling is a just a part of the mix and always will be.

It was also brought to my attention that some of you don’t know how to pronounce my children’s names.

Winston is pretty simple.  He was named for his Papa, my Dad. Win-ston.  It’s an easy name.

Emmalee is NOT Emily.  It is Emma Lee pronounced all together, though she was named for one of my dear friends Emily.  I just really dislike the “ILY” spelling of that name so I changed it to something I liked much better.  She’s also named for her Great-Grandmother Elma and the Lee for her bio-Dad’s family name.  Her Great Great Grandmother’s name was Emma as well.

Laycie is pronounced the same as Lacy though her spelling is different.  “Lay-cee”. I wanted her to be different so I gave her a unique spelling like her sister.

Jackson is just that: Jack-son.  Simple like his big brother’s name.

Each of these names were chosen for unique reasons for my children after I prayed about them for a long time.  Some of y’all know the story of how I chose Jack’s name when I was unsure about it.  I had a photo shoot that day and when I arrived his name was written on a wall.  It was then and there I knew it was to be his name.  God provides signs everywhere.  Just today Jackson was telling me he is Jackson and not any other name.  God knows who we are meant to be.

Our life is just that.  Our life.  I share it for others who are like us that just need someone they can relate to.  I know there were many days in my life when I felt like no one understood my life.  I know there were others who were like me but I couldn’t find them.  Blogs weren’t a thing then and growing up people definitely didn’t talk about Epilepsy.  Things have changed now.  People are generally more open-minded though there are still many who are not.

Now you can judge me on every single word I post here.  You can bash me.  You can nitpick all I have to say.  But really what good is it going to do? I’m still going to write what I feel.  I’m still going to say what I think.  I’m still going to be me and keep being me.  After all, opinions are like assholes, every one has one.

I, personally, try to keep my opinions on others and their lives to myself for the most part.  I am not here to judge and condemn anyone.  There is a bigger presence for that and we will all face the truth one day.  I’m not the one you need to be worried about because I’m just a little insignificant person on this Earth trying to make it through life just like the rest of you.

So here’s the thing.  You live your life and we will keep living ours.  We are happy, in love, high on life and there isn’t a soul in this world taking that away from me this time.  My children are the light of my life.  They bring me indescribable joy.  As does my husband.

No one’s spite or jealousy or negative remarks will change that.  I know his heart and he has never lied to me.  He has changed from the person of his past and he is becoming the person he’s always longed to be with my help and his determination.  I’ve done my medical research and I will stand beside him and not give up because I know the truth of it all.

“Sometimes the love of your life come after the mistakes of your life.”  (I know mine and Don’s both have.)

We all have mistakes in our past.  Every single one of us. There is no one better than another.  It’s how we choose to live after these mistakes that make a difference.

I have personally chosen to learn from the mistakes of my past and move forward but some people chose to dwell on these mistakes and allow them to destroy them inside instead of embracing what God has blessed them with.  They become so wrapped up in the “wrongs” they fail to find the “rights”.  They feel owed.  But let me tell you.  None of us are owed anything from one another.  None of us are owed anything in this life.

We all start from nothing and we are hear to learn God’s Love, Mercy, Grace, Faith, Hope and all the things He wishes us to know.  But even He doesn’t owe us anything because we were given the greatest gift we could ever receive: Life upon the Death of God’s Son.

God Forgives.  God Loves.  God gives Grace in our mistakes.  God gives Mercy even to those who we feel do not deserve it and He expects us to do the same.  Not an easy thing, I know but it can be done.  I personally live my life trying to do just these things.

It’s easy to hold a grudge.  It’s easy to let the hatred we develop when we feel wronged overtake us.  It’s hard to follow God’s guidance and allow ourselves to let go, lay it as His feet and Forgive others.
Life is a learning process.  We come in this world to learn, to develop, to follow the things He is teaching us.  Sometimes we fail.  Sometimes we succeed.  But no matter we continue to live.

Being consumed with the life of others does us no good because we are here to live our own lives.  Being upset because someone has gotten the better of you and acting out does no good because that person is still going to get the best of you in the future and their words really should not matter.  We are all just people.  Just here living.  Make the best of it and let go of the rest.

God bless all of you,

Dana Lambert – Hodge

Healing and Moving Forward {Thoughts From Me}

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To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3 verses 1-8

The first time I can remember hearing these verses was in a song but the words stuck with me through time. To everything there is a season and a purpose for us all. There is a reason for all that we go through. All the hurt, the anguish, the pain has a reason in the end times though we may never realize why while we are living this life.

Abuse is a real thing. It hurts through to your soul. You know it’s wrong, you realize it’s happening to you but when you are in it, you don’t know what to do. You don’t know how to begin to escape, to get out, to move on. Fear freezes you into place and action becomes so far away that you don’t know how to find it.

For most of my life, I’ve lived in one abusive situation after another. I want to share them with you, to free myself from the secrets I’ve kept hidden all my life, but I cannot. Fear controls me. The fear that if I speak out against my abusers, somehow I will suffer from their retaliation, eventually. The fear of knowing that even though I am no longer in their possession, they still control my life.

Fear is a hard thing to let go of. It controls your life and leaves you debilitated. It takes away your ability to speak out, to move on, to stop others from affecting your life.

I am afraid of my past abusers. I’m afraid of the actions they can still take against me. I’m afraid of them controlling my life and with my fear I allow them that control still. They know it and so do I.

My abusers have moved on with their lives. They don’t fear me because they know they have me where they want me. They have moved on to new loves and new things while I still suffer from their hurt and their actions towards me in our past life. This is what those who are the ones that abuse others do, while those they hurt spend a lifetime suffering. I pray for their spouses, their children, their family that they may never know the life I experienced with them and if they do, they see it and find a way to get out.

I have been hit, screamed at, convinced I was the problem, told I was nothing, useless, hated. I have been told I’m ugly, hateful, disgraceful, unwanted. I have screamed back, begged, pleaded, allowed myself to be disgraced, been laughed at and harrassed. These things are the least of what has happened in my life.

Every day it’s a struggle to simply get out of bed without fear of which one of them is coming at me next. I’m in therapy because of their actions. I’m finding my strength again and creating a new life for myself and my children. I’m healing myself and I’m healing my children from the hurt they’ve experienced. Rebuilding our lives for the best and showing my children their Mother is stronger than the Evil she’s endured.

Because abuse is just that: Evil in it’s purest form.

In this season, our lives are starting over. There is so much that you don’t know but the past is the past and the future is yet to come. Pray for me, as I pray for you and we shall all come through as God intends, stronger for His Purpose and Glory than we could have ever imagined in the end.

In this season, I have chosen to start fresh. I will be changing our blog name and setting it up to redirect to our new URL. We have a new home, a new hope and new challenges coming our way. And yes, there is a new love abloom, one like my children and I have never experienced.

Please continue to join us as we grow in Love, our Faith and Graciousness during this season of our life. We look forward to sharing our lives and experiences with you as we continue upon this path.

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