Soon I’m going to take the big step to move us over to WordPress and off this current format for blogging, so this past week, I’ve been going through old posts and making a few changes that will make this easier for me. I’ve also been correcting a few things I didn’t know I had been doing wrong with my coding. (Blogging is a daily learning experience.) It’s a lot but it will be well worth it in the end.
Going through old posts means taking a step back into the past. This hasn’t been easy. There are things I wish I could erase. There are things I have deleted just because I don’t want to be reminded they happened even with this blog. Nothing I’m ashamed of, just things it’s time to let go of. I know I can never change the past, and I never would because our past is what makes us who we are today.
I have deleted a few irrelevant posts. I’m not sure what I was thinking when I wrote those. They were just filling space.
I also took notice that my life was going in a certain direction back then but somewhere I got off that track. It’s a road I’d like to find again, and I will in time. See, life sometimes hurts so much that you lose yourself and you become someone who covers the pain with a fake smile or a positive word that deep down doesn’t mean a thing. Sometimes the abuse is so hard that you want to pretend it just doesn’t exist, so you do pretend and you paint a picture that all is right with the world, even when it isn’t.
I took notice that my ex was rarely mentioned in my previous posts. He was in my day to day life and frequently mentioned on my social media while we were together but not here. He didn’t want to be part of my life and he let me know it so often that I just left him out as much as I could. I wanted him but he never wanted me and honestly, I’m okay with that now.
I see now that we were not right for each other and God has blessed me more than I could ever have imagined with my husband, Don and our beautiful family. I see now that God had a bigger and better plan for me. The experience with my ex was something that was forced and something that was unwanted by one side but it was an experience I learned greatly from and one I can go forth and share my pain with others like me who need someone to understand. Having Don in my life gives me hope and strength and love where once their was none.
My blog used to be Christ centered, and though God is still here in my writing, I wish to find Him again, to share encouragement and love, to spread his Truth through my own testimony for God gave me a great one to share. I wish to help others, to inspire them, to show them that a better life is ahead, not to give up and to fight for what their heart desires, for it will come. With God all things are possible and our dreams will come true.
So here I am, finding my way again, working on bigger things that will come about in time.
Until then…
Dana
