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25 TRUTHS: Life Principles of the Happiest and Most Successful Among Us {Crew Review}
Weak but Blessed in the Normalcy {Epilepsy Awareness}
Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am. But I don’t feel strong. I feel weak and tired. I feel overwhelmed and unsure. I have no idea how to manage my life as it currently stands.
I’m well aware it will all fall into place. This isn’t my first time dealing with diagnoses and doubts. I have two daughters with Epilepsy and now it’s possible that my son has it too. I know from my life with my daughters that this is only a season and before long it will be routine and balanced again, as much as it can be when you live daily with Epilepsy.
This is normal for us. The ups and downs. The shifts and swings in life. It’s our daily normal.
My girls have never had a “normal” life. All they’ve known is Epilepsy. Winston, my oldest, briefly had normalcy. I cherish those days and I miss them greatly. I realize now I had hoped for the same with Jackson because surely my boys wouldn’t inherit this dreadful monster. I mourn the loss of that “normalcy”.
I remember being naive when Laycie was born. I remember thinking “ok I have my daughter with “E”. Laycie can’t have it too.” I remember enjoying those days with her thinking this monster would never rear it’s god-awful head. But then it did and here we are fighting daily.
I guess I thought the same with Jackson, though I wasn’t quite as naive this time. I have watched for it in him for months. As we passed the four month mark, I breathed a little easier. I let my guard down, even when I knew better.
When I got the call the other night, I just remember thinking “my heart knew it was coming” and “not my baby too”. But my instincts, my Momma heart, my sixth sense have all screamed at me to “be aware” for months.
Yesterday was Jackson’s neurology appointment. The doctor went through the usual questions. We answered them as best we could. He wonders if there is a possibility of Apnea. I tell him, “I don’t know”.
He asks me, “what would you like to do?” Well, doc, I’d like to run like hell and hide my baby. I’d like to have my baby back, normal and pretend this never happened. I’d love to pretend it’s all a dream or there is another cause. Previous history, strong family roots, gut instinct all tell me differently.
This nightmare will not just “go away”. Its here and it’s big as night and day. I chose to hold off on medicating Jackson. I chose to agree to have an EKG for him to check for Apnea and an EEG to check for seizure activity. I do not want medicines to prevent that possible activity from showing up, even though we know it may not anyways. It doesn’t always show for me or my girls when have had EEG testing in the past. I do want the chance to find out.
I’m at war with praying right now. I pray he never has another seizure episode and at the same time, I pray it would just happen and get it over with. Then I’d know what’s wrong with my baby and I wouldn’t sit in fear of him stopping breathing never to regain consciousness again. I’d know. We’d be able to treat him. And life would move forward as “normal” as we could get.
Jackson is back to normal for him. He’s smiling and cute as a button. He’s trying to crawl, learning new words every day and working hard with his sign language. It’s as if nothing ever happened which makes me feel even more like it was a dream even though I know it wasn’t.
I feel so weak and tired from all of this and I know that’s ok! I don’t have to be strong but I have to get through it. My strength comes from God, from Life, from my children. I see them daily and know I must face the days ahead for them, even when I want to hide from it all. Hiding won’t get a diagnoses or treatment for my son.
This is life. This is the raw emotion of a Momma who is fighting every day to provide a normal life for her children who didn’t ask to battle a disorder called Epilepsy that generations have carried and passed on. This is our daily life and our “normal” and I chose to be blessed by it even when I’m at my weakest.
And So Jackson’s Journey Begins {Epilepsy Awareness}
Everyone keeps asking me how I am today and at this very moment all I want to do is SCREAM.
Honestly, just scream and let it all out.
I have four beautiful, awesome, amazing children who I love to pieces. I’m so thankful to have every one of them. Thankful for the impact they make on my life. Thankful to have the blessing of them to love and cherish daily.
Yesterday, I was the Momma of two children with Epilepsy. In the blink of an eye, I became the Momma of three children with Epilepsy. Three out of four of my babies carry a gene that has caused their brains to shut down in a convulsion.
I sit here letting that sink in. I’m in shock. I’m lost. I don’t even know how to process that information at this time.
For 10 months, I’ve watched Jackson closely for any signs of seizure. I began to breath a little easier as we passed the 4 month mark when his sisters began their journey with Epilepsy. The older he became the easier I began to breath.
Last night, Jackson had his first seizure. It happened around 8 pm while I was out of town. He was with his Grandma. She said she changed his diaper and suddenly he rolled to his side in a ball. His tongue curled, his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his little body went limp as he stopped breathing and turned blue. She said it only lasted a minute. He was unresponsive afterwards, then came to again. After a few minutes he went completely limp again.
I rushed to the hospital as fast as I could. I was told that as soon as he was brought into the ER, he was rushed back and the nurse and staff all agreed it was a seizure without doubt.
When I arrived at the hospital, Jackson was crawling across the hospital bed like nothing had happened. He had his right arm wrapped into a bandage with an IV but he was smiling and happy as if nothing had gone on. He amazes me. All my children do.
We were sent home with the diagnoses of a seizure and the advice to follow up with our Pediatrician and our Pediatric Neurology team which we have today. His appointment with his Pediatrician was at 1:30 pm today and went wonderfully. He weighs 17.2 lbs and is 29inches long. They immediately called into MUSC Pediatric Neurology and we had a scheduled appointment before we left today.
So far, Jackson continues to do well, though he’s extremely sleepy today. We are letting him play, eat and rest as he pleases. The ER doctors and Pediatrician did not prescribe medications for him simply because they wish to leave that up to the neurologist to do.
I’m feeling numb in so many ways. I want to scream and yet I feel so blessed to have been giving three children with this disorder to care for and love. Does God really think I am capable of handling such a heavy task as this is? He must because it’s here and there’s no one else to do it but their Momma.
I keep thinking that and I keeping thinking he must think me a Saint, a person of strength. But I surely am not feeling that way even though my mustard seed of faith tells me that He is with me and He will carry me and my babies through this. Weak and loved I am today and always. Weak and loved by God himself.
See The Light Art Class {Christian Women’s Affiliate Review}
See The Light Art Class Volume 1 teaches students the basics of Art. In Art Class, students learn important techniques that will be used in their Art throughout life. Each level of Art Class teaches different techniques and relates the lessons learned to Biblical scripture. The complete Art Class program teaches everything an Artist needs in preparation for a career in Art.
See The Light Art Class Volume 1 teaches the basic tools of the trade, beginning with the basics of drawing. Lesson one prepares the artist by advising them on the must-haves to keep on hand for their personal drawing toolkit. Things like pencil types, erasers, colored pencils and more are mentioned here. These things will be used throughout the artists journey into learning Art.
Lesson two teaches the importance of a line. Beginning with the simple line and expanding into different line types, curves and even thickness in size. All these skills come together to become contour drawing, giving life to the students Art.
Lesson three then moves into learning about contour drawing and composition in Art. Through this lesson the artist learns to synchronize eyes and hands to complete composition. The artist learns that where things are placed in an art piece, plays an important part to how the piece turns out.
In lesson four, it all comes together. The artist chooses a common item of choice and completes their contoured drawing using the many techniques learned in previous lessons. This tests what an artist sees and knows about their art.
We love See The Light’s art program and plan to add it to our homeschooling lessons in the future. See The Light is easy to use. As soon as See The Light arrives in our mail, my daughter grabs the discs and runs to view them. She has fine-tuned many skills using this program and looks forward to using more in the future.
She has also taken what she’s learned through her lessons and begun teaching her brother and sister. They view the videos together and she guides them in completion of their own projects. This helps her develop skills in leadership and bond with her siblings. Sharing something she knows and loves also promotes strong self-esteem for her.
See The Light’s Art program has been a blessing for us. Bringing scripture into our home, while bringing Art to life is something everyone here enjoys. We look forward to learning more through See The Light in the future.
See The Light’s complete Art Class program comes in a boxed set of DVD discs for $99.99. This is a year’s worth of lessons on every aspect of Art that an artist could need. The program is also available to buy one disc at a time for $14.99 per Volume. There are also discs available for teaching Art Projects and Bible Stories. You can read our review of See The Light’s Paper Jungle here.