Everyone keeps asking me how I am today and at this very moment all I want to do is SCREAM.
Honestly, just scream and let it all out.
I have four beautiful, awesome, amazing children who I love to pieces. I’m so thankful to have every one of them. Thankful for the impact they make on my life. Thankful to have the blessing of them to love and cherish daily.
Yesterday, I was the Momma of two children with Epilepsy. In the blink of an eye, I became the Momma of three children with Epilepsy. Three out of four of my babies carry a gene that has caused their brains to shut down in a convulsion.
I sit here letting that sink in. I’m in shock. I’m lost. I don’t even know how to process that information at this time.
For 10 months, I’ve watched Jackson closely for any signs of seizure. I began to breath a little easier as we passed the 4 month mark when his sisters began their journey with Epilepsy. The older he became the easier I began to breath.
Last night, Jackson had his first seizure. It happened around 8 pm while I was out of town. He was with his Grandma. She said she changed his diaper and suddenly he rolled to his side in a ball. His tongue curled, his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his little body went limp as he stopped breathing and turned blue. She said it only lasted a minute. He was unresponsive afterwards, then came to again. After a few minutes he went completely limp again.
I rushed to the hospital as fast as I could. I was told that as soon as he was brought into the ER, he was rushed back and the nurse and staff all agreed it was a seizure without doubt.
When I arrived at the hospital, Jackson was crawling across the hospital bed like nothing had happened. He had his right arm wrapped into a bandage with an IV but he was smiling and happy as if nothing had gone on. He amazes me. All my children do.
We were sent home with the diagnoses of a seizure and the advice to follow up with our Pediatrician and our Pediatric Neurology team which we have today. His appointment with his Pediatrician was at 1:30 pm today and went wonderfully. He weighs 17.2 lbs and is 29inches long. They immediately called into MUSC Pediatric Neurology and we had a scheduled appointment before we left today.
So far, Jackson continues to do well, though he’s extremely sleepy today. We are letting him play, eat and rest as he pleases. The ER doctors and Pediatrician did not prescribe medications for him simply because they wish to leave that up to the neurologist to do.
I’m feeling numb in so many ways. I want to scream and yet I feel so blessed to have been giving three children with this disorder to care for and love. Does God really think I am capable of handling such a heavy task as this is? He must because it’s here and there’s no one else to do it but their Momma.
I keep thinking that and I keeping thinking he must think me a Saint, a person of strength. But I surely am not feeling that way even though my mustard seed of faith tells me that He is with me and He will carry me and my babies through this. Weak and loved I am today and always. Weak and loved by God himself.
It’s been back to school time for many across the country in the past few weeks and many more still this week. Facebook is filled with posts about parent’s who are more than ready for their children to return to school and other’s who are saddened by this routine of sending their children off year after year. It literally breaks my heart to see these poor families ripped apart by this common occurrence of society.
It is the social norm to place our children into the hands of strangers every day, to allow them to be raised up, taught and taken care of by absolute strangers who we have only met once in a block building on the day of open house. Like sheep, we follow in the footsteps of those before us, leading the way, who say this is how Education is meant to be and we forget the teachings of our Father to raise up our children in His word.
In fact, His word is no longer allowed in these schools. His word is no longer spoken to the very children who He has blessed us to raise and love upon. We, the parents whom He gave His children to care for, follow along and do the opposite of what He has asked in order to stay within the boundaries of a society who could certainly care less what truly becomes of our beautiful children. We do what we have been led to believe is the “right” thing by a society that says it is so.
What has happened to His word? What has happened to the teachings that He set forth centuries before in writing? Do these words, these directions written directly from Him mean nothing to us? Is society’s wants more important than His commands?
Today’s education is NOT the standard set by the Word of God. It is us, the parents, who God requested to teach the children, to guide and direct them in His loving word. Children are meant to be mothered by their Mothers and fathered by their Fathers, as God has directed. Children are not meant to be herded through classroom after classroom, year after year to be handed over daily to someone else’s care and knowledge. They are not meant to be yanked from the skirts of their mothers as infants and small children to be turned into tiny adults before they are able to enjoy life as a child.
What can we do as parents to change this standard set by society? For one, we must advocate the word of the Bible and share it with our family, our children and those who’s lives we daily touch. As parents, we must provide our children with a strong foundation, allowing them room to grow while maintaining a firm and protective hand. We can become more active in the classroom, know what our children are being taught, and participate in their lives daily. We can observe and learn what lessons our children learn from friends and family and correct the lessons that our children should have never been taught. We can raise our children in God’s word and teach them values as that He set forth ages ago.
Life does not have to be this way. Parental relationships do not have to be this way. Education does not have to be this way. By stepping up, bringing out the word of God and educating our children the right way, in His word, we can change our daily lives for the better and that of our children and their children for good. It only takes a single step initiated by YOU, the parent. Are you ready to move forward and let God do His work by teaching your children His word? Are you ready to make the change and commit to living your life His way instead of following the life society sets as normal? Only you can take the steps necessary to change your life and that of your children.