• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
Luv'N Lambert Life

Luv'N Lambert Life

A blog about living with Epilepsy, IBHS, Homeschooling and so much more

  • A Bit About Me
  • Epilepsy Awareness
  • Contact

darkness

The Darkness That Lurks {Epilepsy Awareness}

June 18, 2013 by Dana

How do you do it?
How do you tell your baby, one of the prettiest, sweetest girls you know, the child whose older sister proclaimed as our angel the day she was born, that she won’t die?  How do you even deal when those words come from the mouth of your beautiful 5 year old daughter?
My Momma heart breaks for her.  My Momma heart wants to scoop her up and hold her tight and keep her safe forever.
I want to SCREAM.  I want to SCREAM to God, “WHY?!  Why my daughter?  Why my precious baby?  Why does she have to suffer with this?  Why does anyone suffer?”
I can’t reassure her that she will wake up from the next seizure.  I can’t reassure her that there won’t be another one.  I can only tell her about Heaven and all the great things that await her there.  Even when I don’t want to because I pray deeply and hard that she will not know for a long, long time.
“Momma, who turned out the lights?”, she asked me. “Was it you?” “No, baby.”  “Was it Daddy?  Why would Daddy cut the lights out on me?” “Daddy didn’t, angel.”  “Oh, Grandma did it then!”
All this past week she has been terrified of the dark.  It didn’t take me long to figure out what she meant.  Her whole little safe world went dark last Tuesday morning.   She couldn’t see for almost an hour.  Her eyes dilated so much that she wasn’t able to see anything but a black abyss.
And it hits me: just how terrified she was.  That this seizure affected her sight so badly.  That the next one could honestly leave her blinded for good.  That I’m thankful this seizure didn’t leave her blinded for life.
It hits me that she could have died last Tuesday.  That she stopped breathing on me.  That there was nothing I could do and no amount of CPR could stop her brain from overloading and her body from seizing.  It had completely taken control.
All I could do was watch and pray.  All I can do now is wait and pray.  I do daily and she has prayed too, wholeheartedly.  We all have.
Tomorrow morning, or rather in a few short hours this morning, at 7:30 am, it will be one week from her worst Grand Mal since she was 4 1/2 months old.  One week has passed.  Multiple conversations to make her forget and feel more at ease have happened.
Every day we have the same talk.  “Momma, it was dark.” “I”m so sorry, Laycie.”  “But you didn’t turn out the lights on me?” “No, baby.” “You will keep on a lamp for me.” “Always, if it makes you feel better.”
And I do.  She sleeps in the bed with us for now, until we know this monster called Epilepsy is controlled again.  I leave the light on for her and for me.  It helps me see if she’s breathing.  It helps me see if she’s a little too still.  And it puts her little mind to ease.
I don’t know what the future holds.  I don’t know how to calm her fears other than talk with her, listen to her, be with her, every waking and sleeping minute.  And pray, for her and with her every time she needs to do that and even when she isn’t even aware I am.
I’m thankful that God has blessed us with more time.  I’m well aware of the Mothers that weren’t given that chance.  My heart aches for them and for all the Momma’s who must watch their babies suffer so much.
For now she sleeps, though it’s still very much restless and we wait patiently to see if this monster is lurking or controlled for now.  Only time will tell.

Filed Under: 2013, awareness, blessed, blind, Children, dark, darkness, Epilepsy, Epilepsy Awareness, God, grand mal, living with epilepsy, prayer, seizures, tonic clonic

To Blog, or Not to Blog {Thoughts from Me}

June 27, 2011 by Dana

I’ve been sitting here the last few hours thinking about whether I wanted to write tonight or not.  I have been questioning a great many things, even though I know I should just keep moving forward.  It is hard to overcome self and let Jesus work in our life.  As humans, we have a need to remain in control.  As you can tell, writing has won this night.

My weekend has been unusually wonderful.  I must thank my blog “hater” for their post because it really made me take a look into my life and my heart to realize that yes, I’m really at a point in my life that I am happy.  Truly and amazingly, simply HAPPY.  And my weekend has been filled with nothing BUT happiness.

Saturday, the kids were thrilled to be able to wake up and play together.  They played outside for a long time.  They even picniced outside, eating pizza for dinner.  Saturday is pizza night at our house  Then they came inside, got a nice bath and watched a movie before bed.

Sunday mornings are often slow for us and today was no different.    After a quick breakfast, they donned their swimsuits and with a quick text we were out the door to visit a good friend for a day of swimming.  After eating a snack (ok, more like a meal) of various junk foods, they were ready to jump in for some water fun!   I spent my afternoon chilling with two of my best friends.  It was a great day away from the house.  The kids didn’t want to leave but were excited at the idea of going to swim and visit again one day soon! 

We made it home, cooked a quick dinner of Sloppy Joes and Chili Cheese Fries..  Laycie got to go for a ride.  Then kids watched a movie while I got caught up online.

It was a wonderful weekend, despite efforts to discourage our faith and relationship made online.  Tonight I feel like a kid hyped up on the best kind of candy: I call it the candy of LIFE.  God has taken the bad and shown me the BEST and I could not be more thankful for His blessings, for His willpower to overcome that sent by the Devil to destroy.  God is the Ultimate Warrior, defending what is made right by Him and leading those who follow in His steps, shining light on the right path, like a beaming beacon in the night.  I feel blessed to have found this path, with even my Mustard Seed of Faith to guide me.  My Mustard Seed has been planted and allowed to grow into a gently blossoming tree with the guidance of His love.  For that, I could not be more thankful.  For ALL of His blessings, I could not be more thankful.

God bless and good night!

Filed Under: 2011, darkness, faith, looking ahead, stalker, thoughts from me

Finding God in Children’s Disobedience

November 23, 2010 by Dana

Recently, my dear friend made a blog post about depression on her blog.  In it, she spoke of how God looks at depression in us.  All the things she posted she backed up with biblical reference.  One of her mentions really struck me as truth in my own life.  She mentioned that God changes children’s attitudes when you are depressed, and even when you’re not, in order to bring us to our knees.  This is so very true in my life.

My beautiful daughter, Emmalee, who I mentioned last night in my post about sickness, is possibly my strongest, and my hardest child to raise.  She wants things her way and will do everything to make that possible.  She doesn’t throw fits, she doesn’t whine and cry but instead she will just do what she wants regardless of consequence or respect of my wishes.  She is a messy but inspirational child.  She is a loving but needy child.  A perfect balance of good, and not-so-good all in one.  And her little sister is not far off from her either, attitude-wise.  Both of them are a true test for me in parenting, faith and life. 

I have been looking for ways to deal with them, to learn how to live with their strong spirits and raise them as God wishes, teaching them to use their unique qualities to work for the Lord, instead of themselves.  It never really dawned on me that part of their attitude is from the Lord, in order to change my own ways of life and my own attitude.  God wants to bring me to my knees.

Why would I think that, you may be asking?  Why would I think that God wants to bring me to my knees by causing me strife with these two beautiful children, or how could I even think that?  Well, God wants all of us to be closer to him.  He wants us to get down on our knees and call out to him, begging him to help us so that we are fully dependant upon him for guidance, love, and help.  God is meant to be our encourager, our best friend, our Father and our confidant.  It is the way of the world to turn us away from these things with him, the way of Satan to pull us apart from our Loving Father in Heaven.  By bringing us to our knees, God is bringing us Home to Him, home where we belong.  He is forcing us to pay attention, to listen to His Divine guidance, to share in His love and to share His love with our children and others. 

Disobedience in children is all a part of God’s bigger plan to bring joy to our lives and our lives closer to him.  This whole concept has completely changed my view in life when it comes to my children’s attitudes.  It has helped me in my journey to be a better parent.  This concept has challenged me, has shown me the truth behind what God wants from me.  The crazy part is that it was there the WHOLE time, but I was just too stubborn to listen.  Well, I am listening now and I am thankful for the sweet lady who God led to write this blog post on depression, for it has truly changed my own life and those of my children for the better.

“Don’t make God yell, listen the first time.”
– A friend from my past.

Filed Under: 2010, attitude, blessing, closer to him, darkness, depression, hope, light, strong will

Primary Sidebar

Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

Archives

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy

Facebook

Facebook

Copyright © 2023 · Genesis Sample on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in