starting over

Overwhelmed {Thoughts From Me}

June 23, 2015 by Dana

So there comes a point in life when you just cannot breathe anymore. Life becomes too much. The drama is overwhelming. Day to day is too routine and you feel like you’re stuck in a rut.

There comes a point in life where you become tired. Tired of the lies. Tired of pretending things are not as they are. Tired of putting on that fake smile just to make the world happy.

There comes a point in life where you stop. You think, analyze, pray, plead, think some more and you realize the only way it’s going to change is if you make the conscience effort to see that it does.

There is only so much forgiveness that one can give before they figure out it’s not worth it. There is only so much one person can take. No one if perfect, and that is completely understandable but sometimes you just have to admit that it’s not changing and it’s not working for you.

Life should be enjoyed. Life should be shared. Life should be created through love, laughter and experiences shared by those who make us happiest.

Life should not be filled with remorse, pain, dislike, unhappiness and lack of joy. Life should not be routine and miserable to live. Life should not bring us down more than it brings us up.

Each of us has our own struggles and strife. We are unique among ourselves. We must each figure out the right and the wrong for us, for our own lives and learn to live, to enjoy every moment like it’s our last.

I look back on my life and I see so many of the joyous moments but lately those have been outweighed and outnumbered by all of the unhappy moments. I was lost. I couldn’t find my way out of the darkness that was consuming my soul. I found myself praying daily for God to ease the pain that I was feeling. I found myself wishing at times that my time in this world was done with.

Yet I don’t. I have my children to watch grow and theirs to come. I wish for happiness in my life, to be able to live out my days basking in the glory of their beautiful smiles, wrapped in the laughter and joy.

One day I hope to find the man that was made to love me and to be able to share our lives together, along with our children. As many days as I give up hope, I still have my mustard seed of Faith to carry me through. I know the things I want in my life and I wish, hope and pray for it all to happen.

Life changes are already in the process but it’s a long road before I am where I need to be. It’s a long road to find myself again after so much pain has consumed my life for so long. But I know I will overcome it all to become the best Mom, best friend, best person that I can be. At this point in time, that’s all I can do and hope for.

God bless,
Dana

Too Much to Do

July 20, 2010 by Dana

I’m still busy working on the house. This week I have been working on the boys bedroom.

Yesterday I had the kids completely strip the room of all the toys and junk they have accummalated in there in the past few months. Then I vaccuumed and scrubbed everything that was left in there. I also moved the furniture around and created more play space by re-organizing it all.

The kids love the new room, which right now is still vacant of toys and possessions. The rest of the week will be spent going through the boys things and organizing them throughout their room.

I think in the end it’s going to a lot nicer for them and they are going to enjoy playing in there even more than before.

Update and a Thought {July 14, 2010}

July 14, 2010 by Dana

Update and a Thought…

I’ve been extremely busy lately re-organizing the house and doing a late-summer cleaning. Plus kids, a terrible two-dler, working on Saturdays and keeping up with the day to day, hasn’t left much time for fun stuff and online. Good news is that it’s all getting done and bad news is that I’m still no where near the end of the tunnel (HELP! I can’t find the light! LOL).

While I was cleaning up earlier, going through the monstrosity of stuff I’ve accumulated (with my dear Mom’s help) over the past 31 years (and let’s not forget to add the kids’ over-abundance of possessions that are never played with), I had a lot of thoughts. For one, why do I keep all of these things? And why do I feel guilty to get rid of a simple ugly doll just because my Mom gave it to me at a time when she didn’t have a lot of money to give me anything? Why do I feel sad to toss Grandpa’s old steel cup that I never once saw him drink out of? These are just things, material possessions, not the persons or memories themselves.

Then I began to consider even more stuff. Like why do we teach our children the same things that we have been taught from birth. We come into the world with nothing but a Mother and possibly a Father who hopefully loves us more than life itself. We have no possessions. We are naked and as basic as we can be. It’s then that we are taught to want and need and that we begin to crave these unnecessary things in life.

We are taught we should grow, we should walk, talk, play. We are taught we should need a Barbie because Sally has one, or a bike because Joe peddles his like a mad fool. We should attend schools with 1000’s of other children and spend our days with them, until we come home to a Mom who has a great meal cooked waiting on Dad to come in from work. And we should want a similar life, with a nice home, a car, dog or cat, and beautifully well-behaved children. The American Life. Our life’s goal is to grow into a very old person, with a loving family and something to show for our time here.

Truly, life doesn’t work that way at all. Many children don’t have that home-cooked meal from Mom, or a Dad who works hard to provide that meal. Some don’t have a Barbie or bike or that cool new Zhui Zhui pet. They’re home may not even be there in the morning. And life can be taken away in a flash. Tomorrow is not promised, only this moment we are in.

So my thought is, why do we teach our children to want and need the American Life? Why not teach them instead to live in the day, in the moment and to love and appreciate what they have in this instant in life? The Now. Life is short, and God is calling each of us every day. I, for one, want my children to be ready to live in the Love and Light of the Lord. To hear His will and be guided by Him and to want all the treasures of Heaven, for they will be there before we know it, in the blink of an eye, when He calls us all home.

Till next time… Dana

Change Change Change

June 9, 2010 by Dana

This week has brought about much change in our lives. I know I keep talking about change in all of my posts lately but this week really begins it all.

What is change? Coins that you get back from a dollar bill? No, not this change. Change is a new season in life. A new beginning and also an ending to the old ways. Change is not always welcome but it usually turns out to be for the best.

My change comes on the official ending of a bad relationship and the beginning and continuous of a new one. My change comes out of choice, a choice to no longer be who I was but to become who I was meant to be. My change also comes out of my need to do what God wishes for my life, following His divine guidance into where and what He wishes me to be.

So my biggest questions have been where to begin and what next? My Mom is on her way to Florida to be settled with my brother’s family, leaving me not having to worry about her for now. I’m settled in my new home, though I have much to do inside it still. So where to begin next and what to do?

First, each day I have been taking time to pray to the Lord and to read my daily devotional from https://www.proverbs31.org/. I find much inspiration in these devotionals and sometimes I read two because I enjoy them so much.

Right now, I have much to go through, get rid of and put away in our home. I also need to set up our school schedule again, which in light of MaMa’s visit, has fallen to the wayside. But admist the chaos school cannot be completed, so the first step is managing and containing the clutter obtained in the past few months and a lifetime of memories which should have departed long ago.

Now, I am by far no housekeeper (though it is one of my legal jobs). I can keep a house for you, your sister, Mom, friend but I have a terrible time managing my own home. It always ends in disaster for me, a cluttered mess. This is something I truly want to overcome. And that is one of my recent life goals: to learn to manage my home, time and children’s lives better, thus managing my own life better.

So I’m on a search for bettering myself and my home skills while connecting ever more towards my Heavenly Father. I’m following His path, His guidance… and right now He’s telling me the past is past and it’s time to get started. Wish me luck!