So there comes a point in life when you just cannot breathe anymore. Life becomes too much. The drama is overwhelming. Day to day is too routine and you feel like you’re stuck in a rut.
There comes a point in life where you become tired. Tired of the lies. Tired of pretending things are not as they are. Tired of putting on that fake smile just to make the world happy.
There comes a point in life where you stop. You think, analyze, pray, plead, think some more and you realize the only way it’s going to change is if you make the conscience effort to see that it does.
There is only so much forgiveness that one can give before they figure out it’s not worth it. There is only so much one person can take. No one if perfect, and that is completely understandable but sometimes you just have to admit that it’s not changing and it’s not working for you.
Life should be enjoyed. Life should be shared. Life should be created through love, laughter and experiences shared by those who make us happiest.
Life should not be filled with remorse, pain, dislike, unhappiness and lack of joy. Life should not be routine and miserable to live. Life should not bring us down more than it brings us up.
Each of us has our own struggles and strife. We are unique among ourselves. We must each figure out the right and the wrong for us, for our own lives and learn to live, to enjoy every moment like it’s our last.
I look back on my life and I see so many of the joyous moments but lately those have been outweighed and outnumbered by all of the unhappy moments. I was lost. I couldn’t find my way out of the darkness that was consuming my soul. I found myself praying daily for God to ease the pain that I was feeling. I found myself wishing at times that my time in this world was done with.
Yet I don’t. I have my children to watch grow and theirs to come. I wish for happiness in my life, to be able to live out my days basking in the glory of their beautiful smiles, wrapped in the laughter and joy.
One day I hope to find the man that was made to love me and to be able to share our lives together, along with our children. As many days as I give up hope, I still have my mustard seed of Faith to carry me through. I know the things I want in my life and I wish, hope and pray for it all to happen.
Life changes are already in the process but it’s a long road before I am where I need to be. It’s a long road to find myself again after so much pain has consumed my life for so long. But I know I will overcome it all to become the best Mom, best friend, best person that I can be. At this point in time, that’s all I can do and hope for.