Luv'N Lambert Life

A blog about living with Epilepsy, IBHS, Homeschooling and so much more

letting go

Overwhelmed {Thoughts From Me}

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So there comes a point in life when you just cannot breathe anymore.  Life becomes too much.  The drama is overwhelming.  Day to day is too routine and you feel like you’re stuck in a rut.

There comes a point in life where you become tired.  Tired of the lies.  Tired of pretending things are not as they are.  Tired of putting on that fake smile just to make the world happy.

There comes a point in life where you stop.  You think, analyze, pray, plead, think some more and you realize the only way it’s going to change is if you make the conscience effort to see that it does.

There is only so much forgiveness that one can give before they figure out it’s not worth it.  There is only so much one person can take.  No one if perfect, and that is completely understandable but sometimes you just have to admit that it’s not changing and it’s not working for you.

Life should be enjoyed.  Life should be shared.  Life should be created through love, laughter and experiences shared by those who make us happiest.

Life should not be filled with remorse, pain, dislike, unhappiness and lack of joy.  Life should not be routine and miserable to live.  Life should not bring us down more than it brings us up.

Each of us has our own struggles and strife.  We are unique among ourselves.  We must each figure out the right and the wrong for us, for our own lives and learn to live, to enjoy every moment like it’s our last.

I look back on my life and I see so many of the joyous moments but lately those have been outweighed and outnumbered by all of the unhappy moments.  I was lost.  I couldn’t find my way out of the darkness that was consuming my soul.  I found myself praying daily for God to ease the pain that I was feeling. I found myself wishing at times that my time in this world was done with.

Yet I don’t.  I have my children to watch grow and theirs to come.  I wish for happiness in my life, to be able to live out my days basking in the glory of their beautiful smiles, wrapped in the laughter and joy.

One day I hope to find the man that was made to love me and to be able to share our lives together, along with our children.  As many days as I give up hope, I still have my mustard seed of Faith to carry me through.  I know the things I want in my life and I wish, hope and pray for it all to happen.

Life changes are already in the process but it’s a long road before I am where I need to be.  It’s a long road to find myself again after so much pain has consumed my life for so long.  But I know I will overcome it all to become the best Mom, best friend, best person that I can be.  At this point in time, that’s all I can do and hope for.

God bless,
Dana

Update and a Thought {July 14, 2010}

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Update and a Thought…

I’ve been extremely busy lately re-organizing the house and doing a late-summer cleaning.  Plus kids, a terrible two-dler, working on Saturdays and keeping up with the day to day, hasn’t left much time for fun stuff and online.  Good news is that it’s all getting done and bad news is that I’m still no where near the end of the tunnel (HELP! I can’t find the light! LOL). 

While I was cleaning up earlier, going through the monstrosity of stuff I’ve accumulated (with my dear Mom’s help) over the past 31 years (and let’s not forget to add the kids’ over-abundance of possessions that are never played with), I had a lot of thoughts.  For one, why do I keep all of these things?  And why do I feel guilty to get rid of a simple ugly doll just because my Mom gave it to me at a time when she didn’t have a lot of money to give me anything?  Why do I feel sad to toss Grandpa’s old steel cup that I never once saw him drink out of?  These are just things, material possessions, not the persons or memories themselves.

Then I began to consider even more stuff.  Like why do we teach our children the same things that we have been taught from birth.  We come into the world with nothing but a Mother and possibly a Father who hopefully loves us more than life itself.  We have no possessions.  We are naked and as basic as we can be.  It’s then that we are taught to want and need and that we begin to crave these unnecessary things in life. 

We are taught we should grow, we should walk, talk, play.  We are taught we should need a Barbie because Sally has one, or a bike because Joe peddles his like a mad fool.  We should attend schools with 1000’s of other children and spend our days with them, until we come home to a Mom who has a great meal cooked waiting on Dad to come in from work.  And we should want a similar life, with a nice home, a car, dog or cat, and beautifully well-behaved children.  The American Life.  Our life’s goal is to grow into a very old person, with a loving family and something to show for our time here. 

Truly, life doesn’t work that way at all.  Many children don’t have that home-cooked meal from Mom, or a Dad who works hard to provide that  meal.  Some don’t have a Barbie or bike or that cool new Zhui Zhui pet.  They’re home may not even be there in the morning.  And life can be taken away in a flash.  Tomorrow is not promised, only this moment we are in. 

So my thought is, why do we teach our children to want and need the American Life?  Why not teach them instead to live in the day, in the moment and to love and appreciate what they have in this instant in life?  The Now.  Life is short, and God is calling each of us every day.  I, for one, want my children to be ready to live in the Love and Light of the Lord.  To hear His will and be guided by Him and to want all the treasures of Heaven, for they will be there before we know it, in the blink of an eye, when He calls us all home.

Till next time… Dana