Today is my niece’s 11th birthday. I remember the day she was born. There was actually snow on the ground in South Carolina. I remember her having a large head and tiny fists and sweet little toes. I remember her sweet smell and her rosy pink cheeks. Seems like it was just yesterday. She latched onto my heart and has yet to let go.
Her birthday is the reminder that December is here. December brings the birth of Christ, Christmas the holiday, celebrations, fun times and memories. It also begins my children’s birthday season. December, February and April. Each month blessed me more than I could have ever imagine.
December brings my son’s 11th birthday this year. I look forward to it. I love watching him grow. I dread the day when he leaves home. I pray he’s more man that I could have ever wished for. I want so many things for him but I know his life lies in the hands of God where I placed him and his sisters long ago.
My children have been such blessings to my life. They have each taught me so much in their own rights. I could never have imagined how much of a gift they truly are on the day of their birth. I can only imagine how much of a blessing and gift we each are as children of God everyday.
My son has taught me what love is. Unconditional, patient love. The kind that never gives up, never judges and never stops. That’s his kind of love and how he lives his life. His immense patience with me and his sisters always astonishes me. His kindness is beyond belief. My son at 11 is already more of a man than most men I know. I’m thankful for that. When he was born I didn’t know what our relationship would be, what blessing he would bring me but every day my eyes are opened more.
My older daughter has taught me strength and patience. I have learned to let go and pick battles with her that are worth the fight. She is strong – strong willed, strong minded and strong in heart. She’s brought me closer to God with her love for him and her strength in her choices and opinions and will. She’s blessed my life, driving me to the edge of anger and switching my heart with a quick, innocent smile. She, too, shows me what God sees in each of us every single day when we push him to the edge of anger only to feel him gracefully bless us with another day of forgiveness. I will always love her, I will always forgive her, I will always be with her as God is with each of us. Nothing she can do will change that – she has my heart, this girl.
My baby girl has taught me joy and filled my heart with it abundantly, as well as her brother and sisters. Emma deemed her our Angel at her birth and that she is, sent straight down from God’s arms in Heaven. Her laughter warms us, her smile brings happiness to us. So many times she’s come close to returning to Heaven and I am always thankful when He blesses us with another day to see her joyful smile and see her sprite-like innocence bloom into a bright, beautiful, angelic child.
Together the three of them fullfill my life. They bring me so much joy and happiness, so much love and strength and honest light. I see God in their eyes every single day. I’m thankful to God above for them, for only He could create someone so precious as these three are to me. Only He knew what joy and purpose they’d bring into my life when He chose me to be their Mother. How could I ever doubt His will for me or for them? I have Faith that He takes care of us all, that He planned this life for us to Honor him and His love for us. I know He has a plan and thus far it’s been better than I could have ever known! For that I’m forever Thankful.
It seems I always have 1000 things running through my head these days that I want to post about and yet I never do. I come to the blog, I open a post and yet I shut my mouth so to speak. Me at a loss of words! Can you imagine?
I try my best to avoid drama and it seems to be drawn to me like a bear to honey. It finds me, searches me out no matter how much I try to hide from it. I find that to be a huge reason behind my lack of inspiration in writing and sharing with others online lately. I’m sick of being drawn into the midst of some small drama that turns huge for no reason and I surely do not want that monster to find my sweet little blog!!
But I feel the need to write, to share, to talk, to guide, to let God speak through me as much as I’m able and to share my thoughts with others. Many of us feel that way, I know. I read wise words from my lovely friends and those who inspire us every day. I see God in these works and I want to see God in my work too.
Lately, I’ve been persuing my photography career thanks to my dear friends who have greatly encouraged me (you know who you are). It’s been time consuming and enjoyable all at the same time. I see God in their shoves and God in my work. Now I find myself wanting to see God in my words too. Is he there? Can I easily find him?
I personally don’t see it often enough. I feel the weight of the Devil on my thoughts and I try to avoid him like the plague. I feel depressed and discouraged, left abandoned and wanting for more from this life of mine. God can overcome all of this, I know. I have that faith in him. That mustard seed of faith that I must always keep just to perservere and tredge ahead in my personal world.
Tonite, I feel God calling me to do more. I feel him saying Grow, Blossom and share my love with others. Share your talents as I provide them, he says to me and so I am doing my best to do that both in my words and my photography. I am finding peace in my thoughts, peace in my words. Much needed peace that I don’t want to forget and can’t always find. By seeking Him I can find them though. And that is what I need to do more of.
I’m surely not alone in this need, to find peace and love and God all at once together. And in God is where I will find the three. Only in God. I know this. You know this. It’s what each of us seeks daily. His guidance and His Love.
There is so much more to do, to say, to be and yet His Love is enough. More than enough ever it will be.
Lately there is just so much on my mind that I cannot even grasp and hold onto one thought or function in my daily life. I’m lucky to remember to cook, do the dishes, feed the kids, and homeschool. I feel pulled in so many directions and within minutes I forget which direction I was heading to in the first place. My days are filled with prayers on the issues clouding my mind, prayers for my family, my home, my children, my life and so many others too.
I find it astonishing how quickly Peace in your heart can slip away and become clouded and consumed by other worldly things. I miss the Peace and I’m fervently searching for it to return to my heart.
I’ve tried for over a week just to write a new post for this blog, other than sharing one of the wonderful giveaways from dear friends. I have thought of a hundred separate ideas to write about but when I come to put the words into form, they do not come. There is so much I want to do, yet never enough time.
Laycie is now taking Melatonin to help her sleep and it’s working wonderfully. I give it to her at lunch time so she can take a much needed afternoon nap and again before bedtime so she can fall asleep easily. She no longer argues about going to nap or sleep and she’s out within 30 minutes of taking the medication dose. This has improved her attitude, clingy-ness and her overall behavior tremendously.
Laycie’s naptime allows us to do school and allows me to make a late lunch, prep for dinner and do household chores that can’t be done while she’s awake. This schedule is new for us but so far it’s working great!
I know much of my exhaustion and confusion comes from weeks of Laycie not napping and feeling overwhelmed worrying about her, and trying to keep up with her tiring ways. She’s only been on the new medicine for a week but the changes it has brought to our life are amazing. I’m hoping her resting will also allow me to rest so that I can straightened my overburdened mind and get our life back on track. I guess that’s something only time will tell though.