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Luv'N Lambert Life

Luv'N Lambert Life

A blog about living with Epilepsy, IBHS, Homeschooling and so much more

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no more babies

The Answer From The GYN {Severe Anemia Awareness}

March 9, 2017 by Dana

Monday I saw the GYN.

It feels like it was a month ago but it’s only been a few days.  The visit didn’t take long.  He checked my blood work.  He checked me.  And we talked.

He asked was I completely done having children.  My answer was yes because I had my tubal.  He asked me very seriously was I finished, without considering the tubal, was I done.  That was a hard question for me to answer.

He said my uterus is slightly enlarged but not terribly.  He said I had two options to stop the bleeding: medicine or a hysterectomy but in the end it would probably be the later for both options.  In his opinion it is best to go ahead and take out my uterus.

I’m 37 years old.  Except for Epilepsy, I’ve been fairly healthy up until now.  I hardly get sick.  I make educated health choices.

I’m 37 years old and my uterus is giving out on me.  My days of having babies is ending and very soon.  My head says this is the right thing to do for my health.  My heart is broken.

I’ve had 4 babies and I’ve loved every moment with them.  I’ve loved carrying them within my womb.  I never once thought the option would no longer be there.  I’ve never once thought I’d be without something so important as this.

But here I am.  And my only option is to let it go, to say goodbye to this beautiful part of me that God has allowed me to bring forth my most beautiful gifts in.  To let go of it for my health so I can live for my children.

My heart says, “just one more”.  But then isn’t that time already passed.  I said goodbye to babies when I had my tubal.

I regret that.  I regret giving up the ability to have children.  I regret not allowing myself to have that one more baby.  But then that one more would have led into another and maybe another.  I don’t think the desire to have more children will ever leave my heart.

And I’m thankful.  I know so many women never get their sweet gifts from God.  He blessed me with 4 and two I’ll only know when I get to Heaven.  I’m thankful for that.  For the opportunity to love His children, my children in this lifetime.

So here I am, making this huge choice for my health, with my heart in pieces and hoping it’s the right answer for me.  I need to be healthy to enjoy the time I have with my children during their youth as that’s quickly passing every day.  I want to be there to see them grow and prosper.

My surgery date is March 29 with some pre-op stuff on March 27.  I picked the closest date so I could just get it over with.  I’m hoping that it’s quick and easy for me with no complications.  I’m hoping it’s like those 4 c-sections in comparison to pain.  I won’t know until I get there, but I pray for quick healing and ease in moving forward.

For now this is where we are at.

God bless,

Dana

Filed Under: 2017, female, gifts from god, hysterectomy, life, no more babies, severe anemia awareness, uterus removal, womens health

Joy to Come {Thoughts From Me}

August 8, 2012 by Dana

Lately I’m feeling stuck in a serious rut.  I know the weeks are flying by for Jackson’s arrival.  I have so much to do but yet I feel like I’m getting no where.  I search for the “what’s next” stages but find nothing.

We have three weeks until baby Jackson is born.  I haven’t gotten anything of his ready except to say that he has plenty of clothes.  I have some washes to use on him.  I have no diapers for his tiny little bottom yet though.  No wipes to clean him with.  And so much I still have to do.

I’m nervous and scared but trying to remain calm.  In three weeks I have surgery to give birth to my last darling baby, my sweet baby boy.  It cannot come fast enough and yet it’s coming way to fast for me.

I’m ready for it all to be overwith and at the same time I’m so not ready.  Jackson will be my last baby.  My last baby to carry beneath my heart.  The last baby I feel roll and tumble and kick inside my belly.  The last one to hear my heartbeat from the inside.

I know it’s time to give up birthing babies.  I have discussed this with God.  I have felt him agree with me.  Yet, it makes me sad to know it’s all over.  It makes me sad to know it can’t go on and on.  It makes me sad to know there will never be another baby I carry and feel, to hold and love after Jackson.

Yet I do know it’s time.  My health cannot withstand pregnancy again.  I’m getting to old to feel sick like I have this time around.  I want to spend time with my children, to love and watch them grow without feeling like I am neglecting them for the morning sickness and tiredness of pregnancy.  I want to enjoy the days I’m blessed with and have them enjoy our time together too.  It’s so short now and going so fast.  I don’t want any of us to lose a single minute that should be enjoyed with one another.

But I will enjoy my last three weeks carrying my son.  I will memorize every moment I can and remember the three beautiful babies I have carried before him.  Remember how much they each have meant to me and how much I enjoyed giving life to their beautiful souls.

I’m so thankful to have been blessed by God so many times.  So thankful to have two girls and now two boys to raise and love.  I hope Jackson is very much like his siblings, all of them.  That he shares their sweetness, kindness and love.  I know they cannot wait to share it all with him, to love on him and care for him just as they have each other over the years.

We are patiently enjoying your last days inside Jackson and anticipating your impending arrival everyday.  Such a blessing you are to us, our littlest angel.  We all love you always. <3 p="p">

Filed Under: 2012, end of an era, jackson's birth, life changes, no more babies, preparing, thoughts from me

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