Many years ago, I was asked to write a post that I have put off until now. My reason for not completing the assignment as asked was simply that I am always to busy. But recently this topic has weighed heavily in my heart and I feel it’s time to speak.
I was born with a disorder that affects my day to day life. For years, my Mother could not understand why. She only knew it was a terrible disorder that left me lifeless for long periods of time and terrified her greatly. This disorder is Epilepsy.
Growing up, we had no answers and we were thankful when I did outgrow the tonic clonic episodes. My Mother beyond thankful to not have to watch her daughter helplessly suffer. It was everything she spent her life praying for.
At 19, I married my ex-husband. At 21, I had my son, who does not have Epilepsy. At 23, I had my daughter, Emmalee. At 3 months, just two weeks after her first vaccines, she began having seizures as well. They continued until she was 5 when she also outgrew them. God is amazing.
As Emma grew, I became pregnant with my third child, my daughter Laycie. Having Emma, I thought, okay we have this disorder, she has it and so my next child will be fine. Not true. At 4 months, just two weeks following her vaccine series, Laycie also began to have seizures. At 4 1/2 months, Laycie went Status Epilepticus with 9 tonic clonics and over 23 absence and complex partials. Honestly, I lost count. The seizure lasted 13 hours straight. I truly thought my baby was dead. But God had much bigger plans.
When Laycie was 3, at her birthday party, I began to have seizures again. This time a complex partial took control of my mind and body and left me without control. Several more have followed since but I haven’t let them stop me.
4 years later, I became pregnant with my 4th child, a boy: Jackson. At this point, I already knew I would not vaccinate as it is an obvious trigger for my children’s seizures. I didn’t and his seizures held off. At 10 months, he began to have Involuntary Breath Holding Spells which trigger Epileptic seizure.
It was at this point that we began to seek genetic testing to find a reason for all these seizures and the link between us because it was obvious this was genetic. It took over 2 years to get answers. The first panel didn’t show any genes. The much bigger panel for Epilepsy did pinpoint a gene for me, Emma and Laycie though not for Jack. We still have no reason for Jack’s seizures.
Through all of this, I never once considered not having my children. I never once considered them a burden, but instead a blessing from God. I never once considered being their Mother a burden either, though sometimes it’s challenging. But God knew. He knew what he was doing when He blessed me with each one of them.
For me, abortion was never a thought or an option. I believe that God will equip us for our needs. I believe He alone gives us our beautiful children and He alone knows just what we can handle. I could have never chosen that option as it wasn’t in me.
See even if you have Epilepsy, even if you feel like you just can’t do this Motherhood thing, even if you see more challenges then you may feel it’s worth, don’t give up. Hold strong to God’s Love. Know that He’s chosen you for a special mission, a mission of Love. Choose life. Choose to have Faith for God will not fail you.
Abortion is the easy answer for us. It’s promoted to be a quick solution but it’s not. The ache in your heart is never healed. The missing child cannot be replaced. It’s something that will remain in your soul forever.
So I beg you to pray, to search your soul before you make this decision that will affect your life permanently. I beg you to ask God to show you the truth of the light and His word. I beg you to allow Him to show you the plans He has made for you. Though, at first, it may seem impossible God can make things happen that you cannot imagine.
Had I known what I do now about my life and that of my children, I still would change nothing. My children are a blessing. They hold my heart and there is nothing I would not do for them. They truly changed my life. I know it will be the same for you.
Dana Lambert – Hodge