My blog is my journal. I come here to write. I come here to put my thoughts into print.
It’s always been easier for me to write out how I feel, than to say how I feel. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Because of that, it is hard for me to be honest to others, though I am always an honest person.
I tend to take things to heart. Words wound me because they are so important to me. Feelings take control of me.
These things play a huge part in my blogging and my sharing about Epilepsy and my children. I write to journal our life but also to share life how it is, living with Epilepsy. It’s not easy but I do my best.
Life with Epilepsy is a long, winding journey. It surrounds us daily. It is our life. We know no other way than to live in the midst of this disorder.
Like with so many other disorders and diseases, if you live in the midst of the trial, you understand. If you don’t, you can only hope to comprehend what I am referring to. It’s one of those either you know or you don’t things and not everyone does.
I look at my children and I feel blessed, never saddened by this disorder. It scares me but I am thankful for each day I have among them. Their lives are not shortened because of this, as none of us have dates stamped upon us for our time to go. I could very well leave the Earth well before they do.
This isn’t a life I asked for but I live it. Someone commented to me the other day that since I have chosen not to have more children, I won’t have to worry about another child of mine having Epilepsy. This is true but I’d have given birth to 100 children regardless of that chance if I could have. The risk was well-worth the gift that my children’s lives are to me. I will teach them that the risk is worth it for their children too.
We have carried this for generations now. It will most likely carry for generations to come. I wear it with pride, though I wish everyday I didn’t have to. Having Epilepsy is nothing to be ashamed of. Having Epilepsy is nothing to be afraid of for God is with us every day. Having Epilepsy is just another part of our lives and I will continue to feel blessed by it, not torn apart by something I cannot control. Even when I am weak, I am strong.